The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
