That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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