Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
