What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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