worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
