During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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