i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
