weddingsv make me drug and hornr
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
