In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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