I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
