The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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