it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
