walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
