so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
