how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
