This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize