Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
