she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize