John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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