Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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