True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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