btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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