I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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