i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
