Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
