The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize