Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
