47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
