am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
