one two three fourrrrnication!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
