There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
