Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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