I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
