Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
