he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize