There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
