It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
sarcasm needs its own font
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think my moral compass just broke
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
