I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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