Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
