Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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