What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You're like the curious george of whores
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
