problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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