apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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