i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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