I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Randomize
