I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
