4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
