i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize