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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.

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• (818): View more from California

  Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.

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• (310): View more from California

  The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.

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• (631): View more from New York

  I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."

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• (906): View more from Michigan

  Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Did you leave ur panties in the sink?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Kitchen or bathroom?

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again

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