I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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