my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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