I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
