just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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