be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
