3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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