I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
