you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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