I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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