Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize