Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
