I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
