we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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