I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
