Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
