DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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