Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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