i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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