I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize