You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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