my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
