ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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