I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
