why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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