I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
