Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
