I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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