she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
