Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
