Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
