Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize