i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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