i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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