I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
