I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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