Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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