...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize