Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
