We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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