After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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