Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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