So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
