I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
