she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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