Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my poor anus
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize