It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
